last entry

Hello,

This will be my last entry here. It has been a challenge to write consistently for other people. There were times that I thought why did you say that? This is not a journal where I can share my deepest darkest secretes and frustrations but we needed to unload sometimes.

We had a short layover in Detroit and the entire trip was worth it as I showed Anastasia how to get her own drink at McDonalds. Her eyes literally came out of her head as she put into her glass more ice than she had ever seen in her life. She was freezing 20 minuets later and put her jacket on and Susan and I had a laugh at her expense. The plane ride over was pretty good except Susan and Anastasia had one fight and she said “No America” and Susan said “Too late”.  She had the behavior of a 3 year old bothering everyone around her. I was 24 rows back watching movies in peace. Elizabeth and Emily met us at the airport, some friends met us at home and it was a nice evening but we were exhausted.

I haven't written that our wild Saturday ended with Anastasia's grandmother coming to visit at 8:30. Susan and I got less than 2 hours of sleep that night. we had to be at the airport at 4 AM. I had a long interesting story about it but as of this moment it is 7,763 miles away and didn't get packed in the luggage. It is best it is all forgatten.

Monday morning I am off to the doctor, then to Good Sam for a CAT Scan, which is actually pretty interesting, and then sat there as they read the results before I went home. It isn’t appendicitis, which I was hoping for because I was so tired by then I shouldn’t have been driving and I wanted a room to sleep. I haven’t heard from the doctor yet but it seems that it is an infection. Damn Kazakhstan bacteria, hate them, they can all go back to Hades where they came from, stupid things, hate them and their mothers too. Sorry I still have jet lag.

We have an appointment with Children’s Hospital Monday morning to take Anastasia to be checked out by the doctor who specializes in foreign adoptions. Anastasia will need some shots and I hope that it goes OK.

She is adjusting very well and we have been a little lenient because we just don’t have any energy. Susan started tried to make her write her ABC’s this morning but the stubbornness came through; Susan 1 Anastasia 0. Susan is more stubborn.

As Susan and I have talked about it we believed we were having a great adventure until the court. When we first learned of Anastasia she was an orphan. To have a living breathing father and grandmother complicated things a bit. Everyone was pressuring her to learn English, learn English, and that put a pressure on her and us that we weren’t ready for and expected. We were under the impression that if she didn’t know English she couldn’t leave. The court only briefly asked about that. The grandmother trying to talk her out of going screwed her up. Anastasia’s strange behavior making us wonder what we have gotten into and trying so desperately to get through to her wore us down.

When we arrived in Almaty there was a crowd of people trying to go through customs all gathering in lines. The girl in the booth closes up and walks behind a door. Is she taking a potty break, or lunch, or what. Then the two lines are forced to merge into one. In Detroit going through customs there were friendly folks who would direct you to the shortest lines and answered questions. If there is any primary difference between the two countries that is it, America cares. The Netherlands tried to help you with the bearacucy also and their security people were businesslike and professional, yet friendly. In Kazakhstan the first impression one gets is I hate you for being alive why dare you breathe my air. They may think the same about us if they don’t know the language but from the conversations that I had with people I don’t think so. People there have a respect for America even if they didn’t agree with us. They were taught to hate us but one look at the youth culture and who do they want to be like, America.

Walking the streets of Almaty and getting inversed with the culture I was uncomfortable. At the supermarket an employee pushed me out of her way to get through. It makes me feel sorry for them. They are such a gracious and friendly folk’s one on one but their public personification is cold. Many miss communism, they were not equipped to handle life on their own. On their Memorial Day there were men and women proud of the medals they wore. There were parents taking pictures of their kids in the parade the same as it would be here. Many of the older faces had stories written in them that I longed to hear.

There is evidence of physical changes all around; massive modern high rise construction projects. Men were welding on scaffolding not wearing a safety shield or harness. It was fascinating to watch the men maneuver down the scaffolding 6 stories up like a gymnast with out fall protection, it was an amazing sight. In America OSHA would have fined and jailed everybody. They have designer goods and cheap stuff. There is nothing like a Wal- Mart that can provide inexpensive clothes at a reasonable price. We believe for the most part customer service stinks, including our adoption cordinater and translater. They did their jobs efficiently and proffesionaly but not friendly. The paperwork and the legal stuff and bribes and back room shenanigans and such were done extremely well, but to make a person want to come back or invest in their country; no their customer service wasn’t there.

The Soviet Union tried to kill God and take Him out of their citizens’ lives. I pray for Kazakhstan and the other Soviet republics that a true prophet comes to them and teaches them how to love one another. There is a song that Elizabeth and I danced to at her wedding “Love Changes Everything” from Aspects of Love by Andrew Lloyd Webber. I look at our new daughter and believe that wholeheartedly. Yesterday at Wal-Mart she said Kazakhstan Bleeccch, America good. 

Little does she know yet that it is not America, as much as I am proud to be an American right now, it is God. It is His love, and grace, and mercy and it is the hope and strength that He brings that is good.  That is what living under communism did to these people, it stole their hope, not their desire, but the hope that tomorrow could ever be better. If they make the correct decisions that brighter future will come and no one will venture there to adopt again because they will care for their own.

Thank You so much for coming along with us. The story is just beginning, we have just finished the introduction, chapter one is fresh on the page but not written yet. It is going to be a glorius story with all types of plot twist and adventures and new discoveries and heartaches and pain and joy and laughter and tears. It will be life. We will enjoy it. God is on our side.

Grace and Peace

Jerry & Susan Hartman

It was Sunday June 5, 2005, Fathers day, when Susan and I went to different services. I went to ten o’clock because I had a VLI intensive that weekend and it started at noon. We normally attend at 11:30 and it was B week, our turn to serve at hospitality. That week The Vineyard presented a check to The Shepherd’s Crook a ministry that specializes in foreign adoptions of special needs children. The sight of that beautiful little girl with the crutches and how she moved across the stage was amazing. I thought that Susan has worked with special needs children for 15 years and we could do that. During services when Susan was greeting I came up to her and said you will cry and the answer is yes. She did cry. That has started an adventure that will affect the rest of our lives. We are going home tomorrow. Then the fun really starts. We have in our family a wonderful little girl who will need a lot of love and healing. God gave her a good soul and must have been peeved at the treatment she was receiving saying “No one gets in the way of my plans”.   She is tender with babies and is naturally friendly to strangers. She asked every taxi driver we had what their name was. She shared her candy and gum with everyone at the clinics waiting room the first time I went to see the doctor. We don’t know what to expect with her with the change of culture and no ‘Rooskie’ spoken anywhere. She will probably get homesick and we know that it may take a while for her to adjust to the time change and sleep habits. Food she will have no problem with at all. We will not have sugar filled drinks in the house at all and will not have candy. She is typical of orphanage children in that when they are away from it they have no self control at all. It will be easy to take her for a walk and go to the playground because there are no food kiosks in our neighborhood selling ice cream, candy, toys, flashy things that break as soon as they are handed to the child, or Diners, the local meat things that must be law consumed every day or else. There are 13 that I can see from our balcony.

We have been chosen for a responsibility that we do not feel quite ready for.  Maybe a couple of good nights sleep, a trip to Red Lobster, free refills on Diet Coke with as much ice we want, being able to hold our original daughters, will refresh us.

Anastasia’s shorten name in Rooskie is Nastia. One night when she was hiding in the corner cussing us out in Russian she said me not Anastasia it Nastia.

We will love you even if it your name is Nastia.

That went on for a while and me being the silly one started saying things like we will love you even if your name is Fred, Joe, or whatever. That is when God whispered in my ear “That is grace.”

I hate the name Nastia, 1 for what it represents for her and two it sounds too much like nasty the way it is pronounced. I believe that she is still a little worried along with being excited but she has no idea of the love she will receive Sunday evening when we get home.

We were picked up by the man from the orphanage to take care of the money to be paid to Anastasia’s father and grandmother about 12:20. We went past the orphanage on the way and Anastasia waved to some of her friends. We went to what we thought could be a depressed part of town but it is honestly hard to tell. We saw the sign to the bank and turned behind the shopping area down this alley to this depressed storefront and Susan and I both knew we have been watching too much CSI and adventure movies in our lives because we both thought kidnapping. We never should have joked about it last night. Oh did I saw that we were the only ones in the car that spoke English? But low and behold there was a bank there and guess what, it was closed. We could have interpreted what was said no matter what the language. The driver turned around and Mr. Orphanage started making calls and we headed back. Susan and I were having quite a bit of trouble not laughing. Along the way we were stopped by traffic in front of the orphanage. This is where the agency’s kamikaze driver usually makes his own lane especially if those big dump trucks are coming at you. While we were stopped Anastasia became pale. We don’t know if it was from thinking we would drop her off there or memories or what but she looked scared. We went to another branch of the same bank and sat in the waiting room while Mr. Orphanage talked with some people. We left not signing any papers. Then we traveled back towards the orphanage but stopped at a street along the way that is undergoing construction. Oh I forgot to mention Mr. Orphanage smoked and one of them had not taken a bath this morning, or last night, or yesterday morning, or since Sunday, May 31, 2003. We all got out of the car and started walking up what used to be a sidewalk but now resembles a dry creek bed in the mountains. Susan’s knees have bothered her often on the trip and she did not do well there. Mr. Orphanage was probably 2 blocks ahead of us. Do you turn around and check on those in your care here? <Insert laugh><repeat><45,000 times> Anastasia saw what building he disappeared into and we went in. Then Anastasia became anxious of a man in there who was talking on the phone. You see with Russian, you can’t figure out by the inflection of the words if someone is trying to talk a pretty young thing at a bar to spend the night with him or directing troops in a firefight in the middle of a heated battle after being shot, twice. She played outside jumping over the new concrete thingies that were dropped all over the sidewalk for the new drains being installed.  It took a few minuets for me figure it out that we were at a notary.  Mr. Orphanage and Mr. mean Notary man spoke to each other. They may have been talking about the upcoming world cup and Brazil’s chances but I don’t think so. Something was wrong but we had no idea what. We have a feeling that this entire affair is not quite kosher. After a while Mr. Orphanage had to walk somewhere else while we sat there. About this time I stood up and Susan did too thinking I deciphered a clue to get up and leave. We were emphatically told no not now just wait so we did. All I was trying to do is get to the desk so I could read what I could understand upside down. I got what I wanted; 30 pieces of silver in today’s market are worth $863. OK where was I? We are sitting in this stinky office with flies and Mr. Orphanage is gone somewhere. Susan and I took turns walking with Anastasia and I took a couple of pictures. It wasn’t long until Mr. O came back with a photocopy of his license. Now get this, notary office, two modern computers, printers, no copier. We have three copier/ printers in our house. Then there were the customary ceremonial examinations of our passports and comparing the real thing to the copies, a lot of typing and the signing of papers. If the Republic of Kazakhstan owns our house when we get back then it is because all of the documents were in Russian. We were at those notaries for over an hour. We had I’d say 16 documents notarized at 5/3 bank for this trip and adoption, very easy and quick. So we walk back to the car, Mr. O is going somewhere else and we get taken back to the apartment. We went to Mocha Loka for lunch. This is how upset Susan was, lunchtime and she orders a hot chocolate NOT AN ESPRESSO, HOT CHOCOLATE, with rum. Not an espresso understand? Susan does not like coffee. What did she get? It even had coffee beans floating in it. We think that they had to go and buy chicken for the sandwiches because it took 40 minuets to get our food. We would have walked out if we were home. And don’t bother to ask for a menu in English because no matter how many times you point to the word ice it never comes. We are almost packed and ready. Four o’clock in the morning comes way too early no matter where you are, it just won’t come soon enough for us.

There will only be one more follow up blog after this one. This stage is about to end and a new one is starting.  To all you gentle readers I thank you. We have been blessed.

Other things equal and the Good Lord willing we will be home Sunday Evening around 6 PM with our new daughter Anastasia Carolyn Hartman. We had some very anxious moments yesterday when we discovered an important document that needed to be sent from Immigration in Cincinnati to Kazakhstan wasn’t done. If we would have known it could have been handled easily before leaving. My computer says that it is 11:39AM in Cincinnati and it is 9:39 PM here. If the form didn’t make it when we called at 8:00 this morning to confirm that it had arrived the people that worked in the local INS office would be resting watching E.R. or something. It all worked out and I am especially indebted to a lady at INS in Cincinnati who took care of it for us. We are indebted to Orson at Adoptions International Program who was ready to help in any way possible. I could joke that God finally chose someone else to pick on but that is not very Biblical or true. It’s just life, it’s just the adventure, just sit back and enjoy the ride, but you know it is so hard sometimes to enjoy it.

Last night all the physical pain went away. Dr. Slaven says I need to get checked out Monday. He knows there is an infection and the pain that kept moving for no reason and was relieved with something found in many homes in America, a product that if you know me I have never needed in my life, E-Lax. He gave me a report for my Doctor. So I am not worried about the trip home except spending 24 hours traveling. We are going to take a lot of snacks for Anastasia and if they provide food and video screens going back like the trip here she’ll do alright.

When we walked into the American Consultant here and I saw the pictures on the wall of American landmarks and American flags I couldn’t help but tear up. Our emotions have been pulled and stretched in the last few weeks. Even with the mess up with the paperwork I felt proud and humbled.  The folks who got in line behind us were the couple we met at the clinic yesterday. They were there with 2 other couples who adopting through the same agency.

On a side topic:

 We have some friends who are trying to move across the city of Cincinnati to help with a ministry they love. They had a buyer for their house and a contract on one they could move into quickly. They are spirit filled loving folks who are also adoption three children from the same family. The sale of their house fell through and they cannot afford to move. They are seeking prayer. I don’t know if they are having a crisis of faith or not but Susan and I feel that we did.

Back to our fun:

This was an adventure before the grandmother and father showed up and made life hard for everyone. When we got the original E-mail on Anastasia we were told that they were not available. I do not believe that our adoption agency mislead us at all. Somehow from somewhere there is $700 in Anastasia’s name either from the previous adoption attempt or from the state to the children’s home. Anastasia’s family wanted that money or no deal on the adoption. They can use it, but when Anastasia was being told about it from Mira and Ekaterina the adoption coordinator she said they will buy pizza and vodka if we understood it correctly. Susan and I would NEVER have told her that, NEVER, so we feel free to share it with everyone. They need it more than we do because being Americans we have the opportunity, ability and education to make it. We would have donated it to the orphanage.  They had to travel about 300 miles so their expenses should be covered but we feel that they sold her. Actually they were provided free transportation.

We are thankful to God for the gift we have been given, now if He could only find a buyer for our house on New Market.  

We took Anastasia to the clinic today. She is pretty healthy and fits in the normal ranges for a child of her age. She may have a deviated septum that may explain her nose bleeds. She was worried that she was going to get a shot but none today. When we get to America though she is going to require a lot of ice cream to make her happy again.

We met a couple who have been staying in Northern Kazakhstan for 6 weeks that was at the clinic with their new ten month old daughter Skyler. They are from the Pennsylvania Delaware border around Philadelphia. This will be their first child. They were there for the same reasons we were there with Anastasia. They get to fly out on Saturday because they’re flying through London; Lucky guys. Skyler was a beautiful baby and Anastasia held her for a moment. Anastasia is very good with babies. They were a nice young couple.

We dropped the required packet of information off at the American Consultant and will know later if everything is kosher. We have an appointment at the Consultant tomorrow at 3:00. After that we are free to leave. Our flight only leaves at 7:15 AM but not on Saturday so we have to wait for Sunday morning. 3 days to get here, 13 hours to get home, but 24 hours traveling time. It is going to be fun?

We have to go to the bank this afternoon. I am going to give you a puzzle. I don’t want to get into details but it concerns her grandmother, father, the orphanage, extra payments from the government, and thirty pieces of silver. If my stomach wasn’t twisted from the medicine I would get a little upset. It is not all the same world.

I may have appendicitis. The way and to where the pain migrates, the fact that the bowels have stopped working, and the granular count (I may have said crystal count yesterday) tells Dr. Slaven that it may appendicitis. I have to go back tomorrow morning. The idea is to fill me up with powerful anti-biotics to get home. I am trying to save many pain pills for the plane ride. I can’t eat, sleep, walk very far and I might not be a real joy to live with. I shouldn’t complain, I could be living in Dufar or Senegal. I can’t wait to get home. To me this is funny but it upsets Susan, I just hope I am alive when I get there.

PS We got a call about 4:00 from the American Consulate that 1 form was missing. It has to come from INS in Cincinnati. We called them and the lady said she’d take care of it within an hour. I will call soon to confirm it. When we got the call we just cried but eventually we believe we got it worked out. And i won't get gross and share the details but I feel alot better as of this moment.

thank you

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and support. I have never had pain as bad as that in my life, even from my leg or back injuries. A toothache can almost be as bad but I have always known it would be fixed in some way the next morning. You don’t normally die from toothaches. As of this moment we are still fighting an infection that has settled in the area that is the most sensitive to and in a man. The doctor was worried that it was an injury which would require a trip to the urologist and open me up to fix it. My white blood cell count is still 21.something but my crystal count fell from 93% to 81%. I can’t explain it anymore clearly than that but the doctor was satisfied that I’ll live long enough to come home and see my regular doctor. None of the places that hurt indicate appendicitis but he thinks that I should get an ultrasound upon returning home. He flatly said you do not want to have invasive surgery in Kazakhstan. He is from South Africa and is 5 weeks into a 2 year contract in Kazakhstan. He has served in New Zealand and Botswana and is very caring and interesting to talk with. We both share the same opinions of the local culture. I haven’t been doing much except trying to rest. Anastasia and I tossed a ball last night and the doctor said today no stretching or physical activity, I feel as if I am not holding up my end.

Last night we went downstairs to Moka Loka to eat dinner. It was fun sitting outside except for the young ladies smoking next to us. Anastasia wants to show her belly when we go out. She sees Mira attired like that (Mira went to court like that) (totally surprised us). There is no way Susan and I am going to let her dress like the women around here or what she sees on TV. It may be a lost cause and yes she’ll rebel some day but for now it’s our way of trying to teach her to have more respect for herself.

Today was a challenge for Susan because the owner of the apartment and the designer of the remodel wanted to video tape the apartment. It is a great design but the workmanship has something to be desired. The apartment owner, three well dressed women, and a cameraman came. It was quite a production as if they were shooting a news piece. Anastasia did a great job helping clean up and the apartment looks great. Why couldn’t they wait till next week after we are gone? That was just one of the things that have been a challenge this week. Some others I may share later but for right now I just want to thank everyone again for their prayers and support and to praise God for the healing that he is doing for me.